Sunday, June 16, 2013

মদিরা সভ্যতা

ধরা যাক কাপিটালিসম কে বলব ক আর, আবেগ্শীল কে খ। ক: তুমি exactly কি ভাব বলত খ। খ: আবেগ মানে নির্বাচন-হীন; যুক্তি-হীন.... ক: আমি ও তো তাই; তোমার ভাষা: হিন্দুনেতার সালমা খাতুন পুত্রবধু। খ: আমি: আমি চাই মানুষ বলতে মানুষ বুঝুক মানুষ শুধু। অর্থাত, পয়সা কেই বা ছাড়ব কেন? Right hand agnostic মানেই তো ধর্মে বিশ্বাস না করা। ক: কিন্তু নির্বাচন থাকতেই হবে। তা তোরা preconceived notion ই বল। খ: মানছি, একই কথা তাই। কিন্তু এভাবে ভাবতেই একটু modern মনে হয়। একই সাথে একটু সেকেলে ও। "হে নুতন" গোছের।

Friday, March 8, 2013

Apology

I am truly sorry. For both of us. I mean it: Sorry for existing.

Saturday, February 23, 2013

Balance Sheet

The dwarf was of course not oblivious of the magnitude of the upgrade. Given the inheritance free clean slate (which has its own advantages), he actually thought he had managed to fast-forward evolution. He certainly did. The trouble was he grossly underestimated the associated cost.

Times of disputes always bring about harsh, unsolicited truths - dwarfs are addressed as dwarfs; they are reminded of how invariably the union of normal people with them do not work out. The dwarf didn't mind that. In fact he even realized the need for outsourcing; tasks that require you to have normal height will have to be outsourced.

However, what the dwarf failed to foresee was: a) The outsourcing may not only be limited to such tasks, and more importantly b) The bill may not only be in cash; there can be and will be dilution of equity.

A community that always took pride (at best secretly in its urge to prove itself modern) in its bias towards potential energy over its kinetic counterpart (to an extent that kinetic energy is actually considered a bad thing), free lunches for dwarfs are ruled out; people with congenital diseases shall have to work hard to attract the slightest affection; genuineness of feelings and investments shall remain the 73rd and 74th most important variables, more so when the vendors are certainly not lacking the former. And while no amount of hard work can help the dwarf gain height, it can certainly make him more useful.

Call it solace for the dwarf or being logical, the keyword for the dwarf remains magnitude of the upgrade. I will any day sign up for this investment.

Happy 8th to us!

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Analytics is in the air these days

A well known Walmart retail case study - the story of beer and diaper. 55% of people who buy diapers also buy beer; dig a little deeper - the buyers are mostly working males in the age group of 30 to 45, and they mostly buy the two items together on Fridays and Saturdays. Clean story - as working fathers babysit (read made to) during the weekends, they need some fuel. What do we do with it? To start off, we keep them together; those fathers who are not so much into spiritual upliftment, would pick up the beer if they don't have to look for it. Bingo: Beer sale goes up by 60%.

This was 2004. Six years later when a certain someone moved out of town for a couple of months, I hit upon a more interesting correlation between these two items. When I return home after work, a unused diaper on the side table in my bedroom catches attention without fail.... and? Same story: beer consumption significantly goes up.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Monday, April 19, 2010

The omniscient

She always does it to me... always! If anything ever has got anything to do with me, she would know it.
  • Every time I would point to an actor, "Ah, that guy, what's his name?? The one who played the classmate of the hero in that thriller... what was that movie?" She would invariably tell me the name of the actor I am thinking about and the movie; and then rather matter-of-factly add, "Kayla (bengali for Dumb), this is not him!"
  • Or, at the dinner table in a restaurant when I have apparently burried myself in the menu, she goes "Suvomoy, stop scanning what everyone else is having."
  • Or, on a Sunday when she is in the kitchen trying something new, and I take a bottle of beer out from the fridge, walk upto her and complain, "There's only four bottles left, we'll have to get more for the evening." And she would politely go, "Amount of salt and other spices are all adequate and as discussed. So stop bothering and go back to whatever you were doing." :O
  • Or, when I am spellbound in appreciation of the mannerism of Mr. Melvin Udall telling the manager, "I am not a prick; you are, not judging". She would warn me, "This time, please wait for an opportune moment before you use it on someone."
The list is never ending; and so is the realization, even after seven years of knowing her:

If there is one thing in this world that I can't do without, its her.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Finite set

Trivial observation - when it comes to education/career choices, we Indians are encouraged to choose from a finite and rather small set of options. No/much attention is given to whether the choice coincides with one's interest. To me the one line answer to this why is something like: filling up your stomach, six inches below or above your belly button takes priority over realization of truth of any kind.

My friend here has spit it out straighter:

Why in India everybody wanna go for MBA, IIT, IIM, Finance, Marketing, IT etc? Are there no other career than these sort of things, which will give reasonable package, career progress and work environment?

I think a key driver of such career choices is inherent conservatism of the Indians when it comes to making a living. Some of the many key drivers are
  • Lack of organised social security system reduces risk taking ability. In USA, if you are unemployed, the government will take care of you. In India, if you are unemployed, either relatives take care of you, or you starve
  • Marriage system controlled by family and community requires potential grooms to reach a certain level of prosperity by a certain age. Otherwise, the quality of bride drops off drastically
  • In a country which suffers from acute material and welfare shortages on per capita level, those who have it, hold a place of honor in the society. The sooner you get it, more honorable it is
  • Parents are the key decision making factors. Indian society gives them extraordinary influence and they don't hesitate from deploying emotional, financial and social levers in any dispute with their children. Usually they don't have the intellect to look beyond the obvious - making money now is better than hoping for more money later
  • General lack of awareness. People in metros experiment more, people in villages less

Poor Newton

Here's to my friend with a heart of the size of a coconut-carrying-spider:

4th law
No moving body can have a continuous acceleration, with or without the application of an external force; furthermore, external forces, consequently energy can be created/destroyed out of nothing at all

5th law
For any natural number n, there does not exist a system of n moving bodies the accelerations of which are independent of one another. In other words, in any set of moving bodies, change in acceleration of one results in a change in acceleration of all other bodies belonging to the system

6th law
For any moving body, traversing long distances results in an increase in acceleration; furthermore, the increase in acceleration is directly proportional to square of the force applied opposite to the direction of velocity